Tuesday, October 13, 2009 @8:54 PM
Mitch . Talk To Me . Gehenna . Reminder
Mitch
This boy means so much to me. I can't even begin to explain. He understands me and he listens to me when I need him to. He's cute, he's funny, and he lives close to me. His dimples are adorable. =] I could go on about him for days and days.
Which might actually be the problem. I shouldn't want to talk about him so much, but I do.
I stole his Led Zeppelin t-shirt one night that I was with him. I took it off of him and wore it home. I've been sleeping in it ever since. Today, my mom took it and washed it when I accidentally left it in the bathroom after I took a shower. It doesn't smell like him anymore.
I've spent a lot of time with him in the past two weeks, but now I can't because of the rumors that are flying around. My mom heard that we're having sex and even though I really don't know why she'd believe it, she does. So now I can't even hang out with the kid that I've gotten to know so well in just a few days.
.
Talk To Me
He says that I can talk to him whenever I want, or whenever I need someone, but sometimes I feel like I'm telling him too much or that he doesn't want to hear it. It's not that he acts like he doesn't care, it's just that sometimes I think he doesn't. But he reminds me on a regular basis that he's always here for me and he loves when I talk to him.
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Gehenna
This piece is two-fold:
I know Casi used to like him, and that she probably still does (she doesn't let go of people quickly), and I was starting to feel pretty damn bad about that.
It broke my heart when he told me he loves me because I know there is nothing I can do. I like him as maybe a little more than a friend, but I simply can't like him any more than that. It's nothing about him, it's that I'm in love with Devon (who is furious that Mitch told me he loves me).
Mitch told me he never believed in love before. I don't understand how you can't believe in love. I can see you saying that you don't, but actually truly not believing in love?!? It's completely inconceivable to me. He told me that he loves me, and I'm the only girl he's ever felt this way about.
It's only been two weeks. How does he know he loves me? Honestly. The kid doesn't even believe in love.
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Reminder
I was reading through some of Casi's old stuff on FP and when I read the reviews on one, I saw that I had written something cool to her. So I reposted it to remind her how much I love her and how much I need her.
=]
@8:49 PM
Break My Heart
I always said that if it came down to a Devon-or-Mitch I'd go for Devon, no questions asked. Well, consider this me asking questions.
And really really not wanting to know the answers.
Saturday, October 10, 2009 @1:28 AM
The truth of the situation is this:
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life right now. I love Devon. I like Mitch. Devon loves me. I know it's true. Mitch says he loves me. I don't believe it. I don't want him to love me, either.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did I actually cheat on Devon or am I just making a huge deal out of nothing?